“Then he said, ‘I have sinned; but please honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel, and go back with me, that I may worship the LORD your God'” (1 Sam 15:30).
Although Saul’s repentance may have been heartfelt, it was irreparably tainted with his own narcissistic sense of self importance as a public leader. The words of reget from Saul’s lips didn’t even have time to reach Samuel’s ears before he added the word “BUT” (“now” in Hebrew). “Yes I sinned, BUT please honor me before the elders … and before Israel.”
But true repentance cannot focus on God’s glory while simultaneously fighting to preserve one’s own. This sort of repentance is only a twisted form of self-worship. Repentance which pleases God not only confesses that our actions have brought dishonor to the name of the LORD, but also willingly accepts all the unpleasant consequences of our sinful actions, even if one of those consequences is stepping out of the limelight of public ministry.
O Father, please “do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” I pray we will never do anything behind closed doors which will bring dishonor to your name before a watching world. But if we do (and oh, perish the thought), I pray you give us the power to resist any narcissistic attempt to preserve our own reputation, and do whatever it takes to glorify your holy and precious name.
“Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge” (Psa 51:4).
